Your Sexuality

Learning about your body, your identity and your relationships is an important part of understanding your sexuality

Good to Know

Sometimes parents, carers and teachers think that people with disabilities don’t need sexuality information or that not talking about it will keep people with disabilities safe. This is not true – Everyone deserves to learn about sexuality.

Ableism is:

  • assuming things about someone because they have a disability
  • treating someone differently because they have a disability
  • deciding what’s right for a disabled person instead of asking them

Ableism can make it harder for you to learn what you like and want for yourself and your relationships.

What is Sexuality?

The word sexuality means different things to different people.

It’s about:

  • how you feel about yourself, your body and your relationships
  • how you take care of your body
  • your relationships
  • sex and safety

Healthy sexuality is about:

  • feeling comfortable with yourself and your relationships
  • appreciating and taking care of your body
  • having relationships that are fun and consensual (you give and get permission)
  • avoiding unintended pregnancies, STIs and abuse
  • feeling good about your gender identity and expression

To learn more about what sexuality can mean, watch the video below.

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Tip

Want to learn more about relationships? Click here to go to the Relationships page

Autonomy

You have the right to learn about sexuality and to make decisions about your body, feelings and relationships. This is called body autonomy.

Body autonomy is making your own choices about your body, what you do with it, who touches it and what kind of touch that is. Everyone deserves body autonomy.

Healthy sexuality is about having the body autonomy and freedom to decide:

  • what feels good (pleasure)
  • what doesn’t feel good
  • what you like and want
  • what you don’t like and don’t want
  • how to make choices about relationships
  • how to make choices about what to do with your partner(s)

Good to Know

Consent is part of body autonomy. Consent means getting and giving permission before doing things like touching, hugging, holding hands, kissing or sex. Consent isn’t just for sex… We use it every day! Before someone touches you to help you out or to take care of you, they need to get your consent.

What is Sex?

Sex is part of sexuality. Sex can mean:

A label, like male or female, given to a baby when it’s born based on what their genitals look like.

When part of someone’s body touches someone else’s genital area.

This includes:

  • Vaginal sex- When someone’s penis goes into someone else’s vagina
  • Anal sex- When someone’s penis goes into someone else’s anus (bum hole)
  • Oral sex- When someone’s mouth touches someone else’s genitals
  • Hand sex- When someone touches someone else’s genitals with their hands

Question Box

Why do people call sex “making love”, “doing it” or “sexual intercourse”?

Some people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed talking about sex, so they use words for sex that are pleasant, slang or very formal. This can sometimes make it hard to know what people mean. It helps everyone know what people are talking about when we use clear and accurate body science words for sex, body parts and processes.

Sexuality Through Your Life

Your sexuality is part of who you are, no matter your age. You have a body, an identity and relationships at every age. Your sexuality changes as you go through different life stages. Even though everyone is different, understanding what to expect can help you feel ready for each stage. 

As an adult, you might want to know more about the life stages you’ve just gone through and the one’s you’re in now or will be in later in life.
Puberty (10–18)

Puberty is the time when a child goes through changes to become an adult. There are:

  • body changes
  • feelings changes
  • relationship changes

Puberty takes several years and happens sometime between age 10-21. People often see body changes like getting taller and growing pubic hair first. It can take a bit longer to see feelings and relationship changes like wanting more independence from family.

Everyone goes through puberty at their own pace.

Good to Know

Once someone starts their period or begins making sperm, or become pregnant. Click here to learn about how birth control can help prevent pregnancy.

Tip

Even if you’re already an adult you might want to know more about what happened during puberty. Click here to visit the Puberty and Self-Care page to learn more

Question Box

Does everyone date, get married and have sex?

No, everyone is different. Some people date, some people get married and some people have sex. Some people don’t date, some people don’t get married and some people don’t have sex. Whatever you decide you want to do is OK, because you get to decide what’s right for you.

Adulthood

Adulthood comes after puberty. Everyone who is not a baby, child or teen is an adult.

As an adult:

  • your body keeps changing
  • you keep learning about who you are, your relationships and what feels good

You might also:

  • have sex
  • have a long-term partner
  • get married
  • go through a breakup or divorce
  • have children
Middle Age and Seniors (50+)

Sexuality continues to be a part of your life as you grow older. People still have big life changes in their 50s, 60s and beyond.

As an older adult:

  • your body keeps changing
  • you keep learning about who you are, your relationships and what feels good
  • you may notice that how your body responds to sex and sexual touch changes (like it may take longer to get sexually aroused

You might also:

  • have sex
  • have a long-term partner, get married or get divorced
  • have children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren

Good to Know

If you have a uterus and ovaries, you will go through menopause. Menopause is when a person stops getting periods and can’t get pregnant. This usually happens around age 45-55.

If you have a penis and testicles, creating a pregnancy is possible at any age after puberty starts.

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Getting Sexual Healthcare

Taking care of your sexual health is an important part of your health—even if you’re not having sex. This is part of taking care of yourself.

When it comes to healthcare, you have the right to:

  • bring a support person with you to appointments
  • understand what your healthcare provider is saying and doing
  • understand why your healthcare provider is doing something or why they want you to do something
  • ask questions and get help to understand your healthcare provider
  • be asked before a healthcare provider touches your body
  • make your own health decisions — it’s your body and it belongs to you

Many people are nervous visiting a clinic to talk about sexual health. Knowing what to expect can help you feel more comfortable.

Watch the video to learn about visiting a sexual health clinic.
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What Happens at a Sexual Health Check-Up?

Whether at a sexual health clinic, walk-in clinic or your regular doctor’s office, at a sexual health check-up a healthcare provider may check the body parts you have.

Testicles (for men and people with testicles): By feeling them for changes that could lead to cancer.

Prostate (for men and people with a prostate): By taking a blood test or putting their finger in your bum to feel your prostate and check for any changes that could lead to cancer.

Cervix (for women and people with a cervix): By giving you a pap test where some cells are taken from your cervix to check for changes that could lead to cancer.

Breasts: By feeling your breasts or having a machine look at your breasts (mammogram) to check for changes that could lead to cancer.

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

STIs are sicknesses passed from a person who has one to another person through vaginal, oral or anal sex, sharing sex toys or touching someone’s semen or vaginal fluid.

When people have sex, they can get an STI. Taking care of your body is part of healthy sexuality. This includes learning about and getting tested for STIs.

Important Things to Know About STIs:

  • Most STIs can be cured; all STIs can be treated
  • Sometimes STIs cause symptoms like rashes, irritation, bumps, sores, bad smell or pain or bleeding with sex or peeing
  • Often, STIs don’t have symptoms, so getting tested for STIs is the only way to know for sure if you have one
  • STI testing is free and confidential
  • You can get STI testing at any sexual health or STI clinic, a walk-in clinic or your regular doctor’s office
  • The medicine to treat STIs is usually free

Tip

If you have any changes or problems with a body part you’ve had sex with, see a healthcare provider for STI testing as soon as possible

Question Box

How can I lower my risk of getting an STI?

If you don’t have any sexual contact, there’s no risk of getting an STI. If you are having any type of sex, you can lower the risk of getting an STI by:

  • Using condoms and dental dams
  • Getting vaccinated against HPV and Hepatitis B
  • Talking with your partner(s) and healthcare providers about STI testing and safer sex

Birth Control

Birth control is anything people do to stop a pregnancy from happening.

Important things to know about birth control:

  • When people have some types of sex, it can lead to a pregnancy
  • There are many types of birth control
  • Some need a prescription and can be bought from a pharmacy
  • Some don’t need a prescription and can be bought at a store
  • Talk to a healthcare provider if you need birth control (many clinics, especially sexual and reproductive health clinics, can help you get free birth control)
  • Some types of birth control, like condoms, start working right away
  • Some types of birth control, like the pill, patch or ring might need a few days to start working
  • Condoms protect against both pregnancy and STIs
  • Emergency contraception is for times when people had sex without using birth control

Good to Know

Not everyone can use some types of birth control because of health conditions or a disability. 

For example:

  • Latex allergies and sensitivities are common in people diagnosed with spina bifida. Condoms are often made of latex, but non-latex condoms are also available. Non-latex condoms are safe for people with latex allergies and sensitivities.
  • Using condoms can be difficult for anyone who finds it difficult to use their hands
  • Some seizure medications can make the birth control pill not work as well
  • Some types of birth control aren’t safe for people who get migraines

The good news? There’s something that will work for everyone. Talk to a healthcare provider to find the right birth control for you.

Reproduction, Pregnancy and Pregnancy Options

Many people with disabilities make pregnancies. Some people believe that people with disabilities shouldn’t or can’t create a pregnancy or be parents. This is another example of ableism.

You have the right to learn about reproduction, pregnancy and the pregnancy choices you have if you’re pregnant.

This can help you make decisions about:
  • having sex
  • birth control
  • creating a pregnancy
  • parenting

Watch this video to learn more about how a pregnancy happens:

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Good to Know

The right to make your own decisions about sex, whether to have children or not and who to have relationships with is called reproductive rights or reproductive justice. Your rights should always be respected.

Check out these myths and facts to learn more about reproduction

Myth or Fact?

MYTH

Most people with disabilities can make babies. For example, it’s a myth that people with Down Syndrome can’t.

MYTH

Pregnancy can happen any time sperm touches the area in or around the vagina

MYTH

With education and support, many people with disabilities can parent successfully. Assuming a person wouldn’t be a good parents because they have a disability is ableism and takes away that person’s reproductive rights.

FACT

Many programs, support groups and health services help people through pregnancy and parenting. No one has to do it alone.

FACT

Birth control (like the pill, patch, IUD, implant, or condoms) helps prevent pregnancy. A healthcare provider can help you choose the birth control that’s right for you.

Click here to learn more about birth control

FACT

Talking with a healthcare provider can help people:

  • know when a pregnancy would be safe
  • get ready for a healthy pregnancy
  • take care of any problems

Pregnancy Options

If someone is pregnant, they have choices about what to do. These are called pregnancy options.

Pregnant people have three options:

Option 1: Continue the pregnancy and choose to become a parent

There is support with:

  • staying healthy during pregnancy
  • learning how to parent
  • dealing with the life changes that happen when people become parents
  • taking care of the baby’s needs

Option 2: Continue the pregnancy and choose adoption

Adoption is when someone gives their baby or child to another family to parent.

There is support to help with:

  • staying healthy during pregnancy
  • placing a baby up for adoption
  • deciding if you want to choose to stay in contact with the family that adopts the baby

In Canada, each province has its own rules about adoption. A social worker or adoption agency can explain how it works in your province.

Option 3: End the pregnancy by choosing abortion

Abortion is a medical procedure that ends a pregnancy.

In Canada:

  • abortion is legal and safe when done by a trained healthcare professional
  • you don’t need anyone’s permission to get an abortion
  • you don’t need to be a certain age to get an abortion

Who Decides What to Do?

Only the person who is pregnant can decide what to do.

They might want to talk to people they trust, but they have the right to make the final decision.

Some people or groups have strong opinions about pregnancy and abortion. That’s called bias. A healthcare provider at a sexual and reproductive health clinic can give you non-judgmental and unbiased support to help you understand your options.

Good to Know

Typical sexual development for young children can include curiosity about the body with peers. To help young children develop healthy boundaries it’s important to talk with them about safety and privacy (“Your body is private and so is everyone else’s.”)

If you think you might be pregnant, it’s important to find out for sure. Taking a pregnancy test at home or at a clinic lets someone know if they’re pregnant or not.

What Would You Do?

Let’s think about Mica and Alex.

Mica and Alex have been dating for six months.

They’ve done lots of fun things together like going to see movies, meeting each other’s friends and joining a boardgame club at a local cafe. They’re getting good at sharing their feelings, which feels good.

They want to do more, and they think that might include sex.

They’ve heard sex is fun. They also know that there are things to think about like staying safe from STIs. Mica and Alex never got sexuality education in school, so even though they are feeling excited, they also feel nervous and have questions.

Who can Mica and Alex talk to?

Mica and Alex can talk with:

  • Each other – to share their feelings and what they want
  • A healthcare provider – for answers about relationships and safer sex
  • A trusted friend or family member – to explore their thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs about sex
  • A disability support group – to talk about how their disabilities can affect dating, sex and relationships

Where can they find more information?
  • A healthcare provider at a sexual health clinic, a walk-in clinic or their regular doctors offices
  • Professionals like teachers, support workers, counselors or health educators

Good to Know

Many people get health information online, but not everything online is true. Online health information is more likely to be true and up-to-date if it’s from a public health agency, like Primary Care Alberta, a university or a well-recognized hospital.