Your Relationships

Relationships are connections between people.

Relationships can be close, like between family members, good friends and partners. They can be more distant, like between people who work together or who only know each other online.

It’s important that your relationships make you feel good and safe.

Everyone deserves healthy relationships.

Why Relationships Matter

We need healthy relationships to help us be healthy.

They give us care, touch, fun, belonging and support.

Unhealthy relationships make us stressed and sick.

Good to know

How Relationships Can Change Over Time

All relationships change over time. Your relationships will change too. You might:

Move away from your family into a group home, with friends, with a partner, or on your own
Start new relationships like friendships, dating relationships or work relationships
Have friendships change when you move, get new interests or change schools or jobs
Start long-term relationships or get married
Become a parent -- This relationship also changes as your child gets older
Have relationships that end

These changes are normal. Some feel exciting. Some feel hard. You’re allowed to have all kinds of feelings—and support is always available.

What’s Healthy and What’s Not?

Healthy Relationships

People:

Take responsibility for their own feelings and actions
Are honest with themselves and each other about their feelings
Have good self-esteem
Are kind and caring
Listen to each other
Respect each other even when they don't agree
Talk kindly to and about each other
Are okay spending time alone and spending time together
Share goals and values
Make decisions together
Notice problems and work together to fix them
Accept each other's boundaries
Work together so everyone gets what they need

Unhealthy Relationships

People:

Avoid problems
Pressure their partners to do what they don't want to do
Put wants before needs
Spend all their time together and don't make time for family, friends, or themselves
Either make all of the decisions or none of the decisions
Blame others for their own feelings and actions
Have low self-esteem
Manipulate others through mind games and lies
Are too scared or uncomfortable to share how they really feel
Ignore each other
Use name-calling and put downs
Talk rudely about each other
Use violence, threats and manipulation

Good to know

Media like TV shows, movies, social media and porn don't always show what relationships are really like. Real life relationships can be fun and make you feel good, but they can also be frustrating at times and take work!

The media also makes it look like everyone has the same relationships; friends, dating partners, sexual partners, families

But in real life:

Some people have friends, some don't
Some people date, some don't
Some people have sex, some don't
Some people create a family, some don't

Remember, everyone's relationships are different and that's OK!

What is Consent?

Consent is part of all healthy relationships, including friendships, work relationships, dating relationships and sexual relationships.

Consent means:

Asking before doing something
Waiting for a clear answer
Getting a “yes” or “no”
Accepting the answer

You can change your mind at any time. If there’s no consent, it’s not safe or respectful.

Watch Consent and Sexual Relationships: Sexuality and People with Developmental Disabilities to learn more about consent.

Friendships

Question Box

How do you know if someone wants to be your friend?

When someone wants to be your friend, they will:

Ask to spend time with you
Ask you questions
Want to get to know you

It's important to learn about people who you want to be friends with. You can get to know someone by spending time with them doing activities you both enjoy like watching a movie, playing board games, or playing sports.

Not everyone you meet will be someone you want to be friends with. Not everyone you meet will want to be friends with you. That's OK. Being friends with someone is a choice.

What if someone doesn't want to be your friend?

If someone doesn't want to be your friend, it's their choice. It's important to read people's body language and expressions. If someone ignores you, doesn't smile at you or walks away from you, it may mean that they are not interested in being your friend. That's OK, you won't make friends with everyone. At least you know and you can move on to new people.

To find friends, people need to do thing where they meet people. It can be helpful to do things you enjoy because the people you'll meet probably enjoy it too.

You might find friends:

At work
At sports, activities or social clubs
At your mosque, church, temple, or other religious and cultural meeting places

Good to know

Even if they're friendly and important to you, there are some people who aren't friends like:

Family
Work supervisors
Support staff
Coaches
Doctors and therapists

Those people aren't allowed to date you either. These are important boundaries to keep you and others safe.

Friends are people who know and like each other, and enjoy spending time together. They are not your family, doctors or support staff.

Some people meet through shared interests online. It's important to be safe interacting online.

Question Box

What makes a good friend?

A good friend is:

Helpful
A good listener
Trustworthy
Understanding
Honest
Kind
Fun
Supportive
Respectful

It is just as important to practice being a good friend

What Would You Do?

Emily wants to make new friends. Since leaving high school 2 years ago, she’s had a hard time meeting new people. Her co-workers are all much older, and she doesn’t feel she has much in common with them.

Look at each question below and think about your answer. Click on the question to see possible answers.

How can Emily meet new friends?

Emily could join a club or group for something she enjoys, like sports, games, or music. This could be a great way to meet people with shared interests.

It can feel scary to do new things and meet new people. Emily can remember that many people feel scared to do new things and meet new people too! She can help others feel safer by being friendly and kind. This is another way to make friends.

How does Emily get to know new people?

She can ask simple, friendly questions like:

“What do you like to do for fun?”
“Do you like movies?”
“What’s your favourite game or show?”

Asking personal or private questions isn't safe and can make people uncomfortable. The goal of asking questions is to start getting to know someone to see if they have the qualities that Emily would like in a friend.

How might Emily feel if someone doesn’t want to be her friend?

Emily might feel sad, upset or embarrassed; but she might feel OK because remembers that now everyone will want to be her friend.

Emily might feel brave and proud for trying to make a new friend, even if it didn't work out. She might also feel determined to not give up and try making a different friend.

Dating

Going on a date means going out to do something with someone you have romantic or sexual feelings for. Date activities are things you both might enjoy like going out for coffee, a walk, bowling or a paint night.

Dating is when people spend time together regularly to decide if they want a more serious romantic relationship.

Having a Crush

A crush means having romantic or sexual feelings about someone. It might be someone you know or someone you don't know, like a celebrity.

When you have a crush on someone, you might:

Feel giddy around them or when you think about them
Daydream about them
Have sexual feelings when you think about them

You might get crushes on people you cannot date, like celebrities, teachers or coaches. This is a boundary that keeps you and others safe.

You might get crushes on people that you might be able to date, like friends and classmates. You don't need to act on your feelings and you don't have to tell people about your crush. Dating is a choice.

Tip

Staring at someone is when you look at them for a long time. Staring can make people feel embarrassed, scared or disrespected. Staring is not a friendly type of communication. If you look at someone, make sure you look away after a few seconds even if you have a crush on them and want to look at them for a long time.

Question Box

How do people start dating?

Some people date people they already know and are friends with. Dating can be the next step in some friendships. Other times, people may have a crush on someone and decide to ask them on a date.

Good to Know

Some people meet a date online. Online dating means using websites or social media to find a date. When you make a profile about yourself it's important to decide how much information you want to share about your disability. There are some dating sites and apps designed just for people who are part of disability communities.

Asking someone on a date can feel scary and exciting. To make it easier, you can:

Think about things people like to do together for the date
Plan how you will ask the person on a date
Set a budget and decide who will pay for what- remember the goal of a date is to get to know each other and enjoy the time you're spending together, not to spend lots of money
Get ready for the date by thinking about what to wear and what you'll ask and talk about on the date
Tell your family or friends about your date and where you'll be going

Question Box

What do I do if someone says no when I ask them on a date?

If someone says no when you ask them on a date, it's their choice. You can't pressure them or follow them around. You may feel sad and rejected, but this is part of learning about relationships.

Talking to Your Family About Dating

Some family members and support workers may find it difficult to see you as an adult with sexual thoughts and feelings. They may not want you to date or have sex. This is called ableism.

You have the right to choose if you want to date or don't want to date. Self-advocacy is when you tell people what you need and want. This might include telling your family and support workers that you are an adult and have the right to date.

You might also need your family's support to handle some situations, like if someone is pressuring you to date. If someone keeps asking and doesn't accept your choice to not date them, you can ask trusted people for support.

What Would You Do?

Joe has a crush! They met someone while working at the library, and now they feel excited—but also nervous. Joe’s family has told them dating isn’t safe and that family should come first.

Q: Should Joe tell their family?

If Joe feels safe, they can choose to share. Picking a calm time and writing their thoughts down first may help.

Q: What if their family keeps saying no?

Joe can explain that they want to try dating, and agree to check in often. Joe has the right to make their own choices in a safe and healthy relationship.

Q: Who else can Joe talk to?

Friends, a support worker, or a counsellor can help Joe figure out how to talk to their family and feel supported. Click here to learn more about relationships.

Sexual Relationships and Consent

Some dating relationships become sexual relationships. Like any relationship, a healthy sexual relationship is about:

Clear, honest communication
Shared decision-making
Setting and respecting limits that feel right for you and keep and others safe
Respect

How do I know if I’m ready for a sexual relationship?

You may be ready for a sexual relationship if you:

Feel good about yourself, your body, and sex
Can set and respect boundaries
Can talk with partners about condoms, STIs, birth control, and sexual wants, limits and goals
Can talk with healthcare providers about sex, condoms, birth control, STIs and special health needs
Can get and properly use condoms and birth control
Are in a healthy relationship
Know your partners also feel ready

Good to know

Sex without consent is called sexual assault. If this happens to you, you get to decide what to do next. A doctor, counselor, or support line can help. Call or text 1-866-403-8000 for free, private help.

Online Relationships

Many people make friends or start dating online. That’s okay—as long as it’s safe and respectful.

Good to know

Sometimes people make mistakes online. You can talk to a trusted person if someone online:

Tries to make you do something sexual or something you don't want to do
Says they will hurt you or your loved ones if you don't do something
Shares sexual pictures of you with other people online

Things to remember about online relationships:

Treat people online the same way you'd treat them in person
Always get consent before saying or sharing something sexual
You get to choose if you want to see or hear sexual things online
Sexual pictures are not safe to share in public
Be careful when choosing what information to share with others
Online is never fully private even if it feels like it is - what you say and share can be saved and shared with other people
Online is forever - even if you delete something, it never really goes away
Remember, people may not be truthful online and it can be hard to know

When Relationships End

All relationships change. This includes friendships and dating relationships. Some relationships might last many years, some relationships might only last for a few days.

Question Box

How do I break up with someone?

If it's safe, talk in person
Keep it short, clear and kind
Stay calm even if the other person gets upset

It's OK to feel sad after a breakup. It's also OK to feel relieved after a breakup.

After a relationship ends

Healthy relationships make us healthier and happier. Unhealthy relationships make us sick. No matter if a relationship was healthy or unhealthy, it can feel bad when the relationship ends.

After ending a relationship, you can move on to other relationships that help you feel good, happy and safe.

Good to know

Signs a relationship might need to end:

The relationship feels unhealthy or stressful
It stops being fun
You stop hearing from the person
You grow apart
One of you moves away

Dealing with Rejection and Loneliness

Everyone feels lonely sometimes. Most people get rejected at some point. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

You Deserve Healthy Relationships

It can feel bad when:

Someone doesn't want to be your friend or date
A relationship ends
You don't have the friendships or dating relationships you want

Those bad feelings are normal and you can get through them!

Here are some things you can do:

Remember everyone has a choice about the relationships they want- it's OK if they don't want one with you
Talk with trusted people about what you're feeling
Learn more about yourself and your interests
Build relationship and communication skills
Do things thar feel nice for you and help you take care of yourself

Question Box

Why would someone break up with me?

Sometimes people break up with someone because:

It was an unhealthy relationship
They weren't ready to be in a relationship
You're not a good match for each other

Sometimes it's about them, sometimes it's about you, and sometimes there's no reason. Most times, a breakup is nobody's fault.

You don't need to know the reason why someone wants to break up. It is their choice to tell you or not.

Every person, no matter their age, ability, or experience, deserves relationships that feel safe, kind, and respectful.

You have the right to:

Set boundaries
Choose who you spend time with
Say yes or no to friendship, dating, or sex
Ask questions
Get help if something doesn’t feel right

Relationships can bring joy, connection, and comfort. They can also be confusing or challenging at times. That’s okay. Learning about yourself, your needs, and what makes a relationship healthy is part of having healthy relationships.