Sexual Decision Making
Sexual decisions can impact all areas of a youth’s life and all areas of a youth’s life can impact their sexual decisions. Supportive adults can help youth develop the skills and knowledge needed to make healthy decisions that are right for them.
Youth are more able to make sexual decisions that are right for themselves when:
- They are provided with objective, factual, and up to date information.
- They have the opportunity to develop values and practice skills.
Life circumstances impact decisions about sex.
For example, some street involved or high risk youth have sex:
- Because they had sex with someone before and think they have to again.
- To feel safe.
- To avoid conflict.
- To keep a relationship.
- For money, drugs or a place to sleep.
Healthy sex is about choice.
People have the right to choose to:
- Have sex or not.
- Set personal boundaries and limits.
- Make sexual decisions sober.
- Talk to a partner about limits and safety.
Ready for Sex?
Being “ready for sex” is more than about feeling sexually aroused and having a person to have sex with. Sexual readiness is about physical, emotional, and relationship readiness.
Here are some questions about emotional, social and physical readiness that can be useful for people to ask themselves when making sexual decisions. Keep in mind that the answers provide insight about sexual readiness, not a definitive answer as to whether or not someone should have sex:
To help youth make their own healthy decisions, service providers can:
- Provide up to date and factual information.
- Provide opportunities to build and practice skills and consider values.
- Offer resources.
- Ask questions.
- Avoid implying what youth “should” do.
- Recognize that having sex may be a healthy choice for some clients.
Media and Sexual Decision Making
Youth make decisions about social media, sexting and pornography. In turn, social media, sexting and pornography influence their sexual decision making. It’s important to teach youth how to critically analyze media and understand how it influences their decisions.
Social Media
is any online, digital or mobile communication platform where users communicate with other users.
Sexting
is when people send or receive sexual pictures, messages or videos by cell phone or mobile device.
Pornography
is sexually explicit media showing genitals or sexual activity with the purpose of sexually arousing the viewer.
Many youth use digital media, including porn, sexting and social media. Teaching media literacy can help youth make healthy media and sexual decisions. Media literacy includes understanding that:
- It’s normal to be curious about sexuality and to explore and express your sexuality.
- It’s important to set the same boundaries, communicate and treat other people the same way in the digital world as in the real world.
- What you do or see on the internet is public, even if you are alone and it feels private it can be seen and saved by others.
- What you do on the internet is permanent; even if you think you have deleted it or it seems to disappear, it’s stored in the computer memory and a server.
- Even if you’re embarrassed or think you’ll get in trouble, tell a trusted adult if you see or read something on the internet or social media that upsets you.
- Real-life people aren’t like porn characters or social media celebrities.
- Sex cannot feel like porn looks because porn is fantasy story, told by actors playing roles and told using special effects and editing.
- Porn shows sexual fantasy. Sexual fantasy is fantasy because it’s not things that people usually do or like.
Tips for talking to youth about media literacy can be found here.
Consent and Decision Making
Sexual activity without consent is sexual assault.
Youth may need adult support and modelling to ensure they understand consent and are able to set, communicate and respect sexual limits.
Consent is:
- Needed for every sexual activity, every time.
- Everyone understanding what they are consenting to.
- Checking in with partners and accepting that people can change their mind at any time.
People cannot give consent:3
- if they’re high or drunk.
- if they’ve been forced, threatened, bribed, intimidated, or offered rewards to do something sexual.
- through someone else.
Youth need specific, concrete and practical information about consent.
For example, you can:
- clearly explain what consent looks like in terms of language, body language, eye contact and non-verbal cues
- support youth to come up with scripts on how to respond to confusing messages like “I like and respect you. We can’t do this until I’m sure I understand what you are ok with”
Youth may come up with many “what if” scenarios when discussing consent, seemingly looking for loopholes to consent laws. This is especially common when consent is talked about only in relation to laws and punishment for breaking laws. It can be useful to focus on the positive, affirming aspects of consent such as fun and satisfaction.
To see a video that explains consent and many of these “what if,” scenarios through metaphor, click here.
Not all youth have the cognitive ability to understand metaphor, so clear, simple discussion of consent will still be needed when discussing consent.
Substance Use and Sexual Decision Making
Substance use can impair all areas of decision making and can lead to unhealthy sexual decisions. Youth need support understanding substance use and it’s impact on sexuality and sexual decision making.
Risk taking is a normal part of adolescent development.
The pleasure centre of the brain develops before the judgement centre, the result is increased teen risk taking. Healthy risks result in personal growth, increased self esteem and growing independence. Unhealthy risks can result in harm to self or others. For some youth, adolescent risk taking results in using substances. Using substances can impair the development of the judgement centre of the brain, further increasing high-risk behaviors. E.g. a significant number of youth report they used drugs or alcohol before they had sex the last time.
Because substances affect youth differently than adults, youth may experience more serious, longer-lasting or even permanent effects from use.
Substance use may result in:5
- Reduced communication skills which impact the ability to set and understand sexual boundaries.
- Decreased fine motor skills and coordination which may impact correct condom use.
- Poor memory which may impact the ability to take the birth control pill at the right time.
- Sex at an early age and/or unprotected sex.
- Multiple sexual partners.
- Changes in sexual arousal, sexual function and sensation.
