Puberty and Sexual Development

Puberty is a life stage, not an event!

Puberty is the process of growing from a child into an adult and happens to everyone starting as early as 8 years of age and ending between 17 and 20 years of age. Puberty changes come in waves – changes may seem to happen all of a sudden and then the changes slow down for a while.

This web page focuses on the emotional and social changes related to puberty and sexual development for children and youth with disabilities. Click here for an overview of the physical changes.

KEVIN’S STORY…

Kevin is 13 years old and attends an ACCESS program at the local school. Recently, his parents have noticed signs that he is growing up. Kevin’s moods have been very up and down. Last week he was found in the school bathroom getting naked with another student from his program. School staff are trying to be sensitive, but want to know if family have noticed changes in Kevin and what they can all do to help him as he goes through puberty changes.

Managing Puberty

Most children and youth go through puberty following a predictable set of physical (body), emotional (feelings) and social (relationship) changes. The physical changes such as getting taller, growing breasts, starting periods and having body hair can be exciting but scary too.

Parents and service providers can help youth by giving lots of support with:

  • social skills
  • negotiating relationships
  • decision-making and assertiveness
  • following social rules
  • coping with feelings and emotions

Good to Know

Expected behaviours in children and youth:

  • are age-appropriate and fits with the child’s developmental age. It is typical for a 3-year-old to run around the house naked, but it’s not typical or appropriate for a 13-year-old.
  • are about discovery and curiosity. Children will look at each other’s bodies to see if their body parts are the same or different.
  • can be pleasurable. Children experience sexual feelings from a young age– self-touch and masturbation can be healthy when privacy boundaries are followed.

What Youth Need to Know

Parents and service providers can also help children through education.

Children and youth with disabilities need to know these basics to be sexually healthy and safe:

Correct names for private body parts and knowing “my body is private”

This may help children stay safe as they can learn to tell an adult they trust if someone tries to touch them sexually

Puberty changes that will happen so that they are prepared

Hygiene and self-care for puberty, including menstruation, will take practice. Talking about the changes before they happen can make the transition smoother.

How to make friends, be a good friend and end a friendship that is not healthy

Being a good friend can help people learn how to be a good dating partner

How to cope with sexual feelings and ideas

Teens may fantasize and daydream about relationships and sex. They may have a crush and need help realizing that these feelings are natural but do not need to be acted upon.

Some youth may need to learn about pregnancy and STI protection

Youth who can be independent can learn how to use community services like sexual health clinics

It can be helpful for youth to know about sexual and reproductive healthcare.

When to Get Help

Sometimes children and youth show behaviours that need to be looked into more.

Some behaviours include:

  • A behaviour that continues even when asked to stop or rules have been put in place, like masturbation in a public place
  •  A behaviour that becomes compulsive, like watching pornography or sending naked photos of themselves
  •  A behaviour that puts the child or other children at risk
  • Any time force, bribery, threats, coercion or manipulation is used, like a child is bribed to show their genitals to another child

Tip

It can be helpful to talk with a healthcare provider to check if behaviours are not harmful to the child or others. Small changes, such as setting rules and boundaries or redirecting the behaviour, can help.